I’ve been chronicling my journey to my VBAC and I can’t complete my story without a few words about the Hypnobabies program.  If you’ve been reading my VBAC series, then you know my husband and I did the Hypnobabies home study course.  I’m going to be completely honest and say that we never finished the course.  The course was divided into 6 chapters and we really focused on the methods in the first 3 chapters with a quick skim of chapter 4.  Something happened so that we just lost focus.  I did, however, keep on listening to the guided meditation CDs.  I listened to disc 5 almost everyday on my way to work or in any free second I had in the car by myself (not to worry it was the disc approved for listening while driving).

Despite the fact that I didn’t use the hypnosis techniques, I do believe the Hypnobabies course gave me a wonderful perspective with which to approach my labor.  That coupled with the meditation track I swore by were the grounding points for me throughout my labor.  Like I mentioned in Farrah’s birth story , the Hypnobabies CD track I listened to in the car ride to the midwife’s office and then to the hospital put me in an amazing state of mind to get through my labor.  I was in an insane amount of pain but I had control over my mind which allowed me to stay centered and focused on the prize at the end of my journey.  It also made it easier for me to remain calm through moments where I could feel myself coming close to the edge emotionally – checking in to visit my midwife, checking in at the hospital, during the car rides.  The power of your mind and the power of chanting really made my  VBAC successful.  I spent a lot of time chanting key phrases from the Hypnobabies CD and it astounds me still how powerful those words were in getting me through the worst of my contractions.

I can honestly say that I couldn’t have done it without the Hypnobabies.  Perhaps other folks have even greater results using the hypnosis techniques but just the concept was enough to get me through my labor.  I highly recommend the method to anyone serious about having a vaginal birth.

I can’t say that Hypnobabies was the sole factor in my success.  Another key element was that I surrounded myself with people who truly believed in the wonder of an unmedicated vaginal birth, as well as the possibility of a successful VBAC.  With Dessa, I didn’t really seek out a support system aside from my husband.  This time around I had folks both in real life and online who really believed in what I wanted to accomplish.  I have to pay a special thanks to Kelly who came to our home for our natural childbirth class and was encouraging throughout my entire pregnancy.  She even was supportive throughout my labor sending me encouraging texts throughout the day.  I also found some amazing folks on Twitter who encouraged me with their own stories or with tips for a successful VBAC.

So if you’re hoping for a natural, unmedicated vaginal delivery I can, from firsthand experience, tell you that Hypnobabies does work and that surrounding yourself with a great support system can really set you up for success.  A big thank you to Hypnobabies and to all the wonderful people who kept me positive right up until the end.  Thanks =)

I did it!  My baby and I did it!  Our newest family member, Farrah, arrived precisely on her due date Wednesday May 13th at 3:44pm via a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean).  Despite all the bets on a Mother’s Day baby, Farrah decided to be that rare baby who proves the “guess” date right.  Onto the birth story.

I had my doubts about my baby being born on her due date.  Worst case scenario I imagined my labor would go like my first and I’d deliver a day ahead of “schedule”.  So when the 12th rolled around and there were zero signs of labor I took extreme measures…well extreme measures for a big, frumpy, exhausted pregnant lady.  I had sex.  As a back up, I had my husband employ some massage techniques on labor inducing pressure points on my feet and ankles.  I’m not sure exactly which one did the trick but around 4am on the 13th I woke to some solid contractions.  I was so excited about them I couldn’t sleep and just lay there breathing through them and bubbling with excitement.

I dozed off and woke up around 6am with Dessa who was bright eyed and bushy tailed and had no idea what the day had yet to bring.  I let my husband sleep for a bit while Dessa and I enjoyed some breakfast and play.  My contractions were relatively strong (a 3 on a 1-10 scale) but still far apart.  Once Jeremy woke up, we kept about doing things around the house and even watched a bit of  movie when Dessa went down for a nap.  Around 9am, though, the contractions got particularly strong and I decided to take a nap to store up some strength.

I got in bed and put in my Hypnobabies CD.  I truly believe those CDs played a major role in moving my labor along; they allowed me to relax my body so that things moved pretty quickly.  After lying in bed for an hour, I decided to get in the shower.  The strength of my birthing waves by now had moved from a 3 to a 5 so a warm shower seemed appropriate.  The shower was amazing and really did ease the pain of the contractions.  After my shower, Jeremy called his mom to come hang out with Dessa while we labored on (no pun intended).  I also called my midwife to let her know what was going on.  She advised us to keep an eye on the contractions and if they didn’t meet the 5-1-1 rule to drop by her office near closing to make a plan for the evening.  So we labored on at home.

Jeremy went to get in the shower and he told me to just tell him how many contractions I had while he was in there, not to worry about timing them.  As he was getting ready to step in I got the first of level 7.9 contractions (I’m ranking it low because what was to come makes these early contractions seems like cake).  The contraction was so powerful I was afraid to be alone with Dessa so I told Jeremy he had to figure something out.  He ended up taking a shower with her which she loved and was great because I could focus on managing the pain.  It was during his shower that we both realized how far into this labor we were.    While he was in the shower I walked around the house – swaying, humming, bouncing on my exercise ball, leaning on the wall, breathing, laughing – and I’d shout to him which contraction I was on while he was in there.  Quickly we realized they were really close together, long lasting and intense.  In less than 15 minutes I was easily up to 10 contractions.

His mom arrived at our house and by that point I couldn’t even have small talk with her.  I remember at one point she was telling me a story and I just had to walk away into another room to be with Jeremy.  For some reason it took us forever to get out of the house.  Our bags were packed but we kept thinking of last minute things to do and I was overcome with nesting wanting to clean this and that little area of our home.  I imagine we left our house around 2pm.  I feared the car ride because I didn’t know how I would manage the pain sitting down for a 20 minute car ride.  Again, I turned to my Hypnobabies CD and it was truly a lifesaver.  The car ride was insanely easy to manage.  And by easy I don’t mean I didn’t feel any pain but I was focused and centered and my mind was completely in control.  It helped too that we made it to the midwife’s office in about 12 minutes.

I clung to the chants in my Hypnobabies CD.  Anytime I felt myself coming close to losing control or getting too emotional or off center, I’d rub my belly and remind myself that the pain was necessary to get my baby into my arms.  I reminded myself that the stronger the contractions got the closer I was to holding my baby.  I won’t lie – I was shaky from the moment I left my house.  I know now I was in transition but then I thought I was just being emotional.  The CDs were a key factor in getting me through.

My midwife examined me and with a giant grin announced I was 6 1/2 cm.  She told us to go to the hospital and that I could bypass the triage and get admitted right away.  She said she saw us having our baby within the next 4 – 6 hours and that she had a few more patients to attend to and then would meet us at the hospital.  So off we went.  We made it to the hospital in about ten minutes and the contractions kept on getting stronger.  As I was getting signed in I couldn’t believe how powerful the sensations were; I felt like they could truly break me.  And I mean that literally not emotionally – I really thought the contractions were going to break bones and organs inside.

The woman admitting me was asking way too many questions and suddenly I had to take the biggest poop of my life.  I asked her where the nearest bathroom was and she asked why.  I told her I had to poop.  She said something but I can’t hear a word she says at this point and I had to get my point across and I said, “No listen I have to shit my brains out.”  The look on her face changes and she shouts to the triage nurses to get me on a bed and into a room because I’m having a baby.  They rush me into a triage room and onto a bed but all the while I’m keep telling them – Look I’m not having a baby, I promise…I just have to shit my brains out.  They assure me that’s what the urge to push feels like.

The hospital midwife comes over and they tell me we’re going to a room to have a baby.  I get wheeled up in a bed that I refuse to lie down in so I sit instead.  Finally in the room, they tell me they have to examine me now since it seems like I have to push so badly.  She confirms I’m 10 cm!  It blows my mind and just like that I’m ready to push.  Somehow I imagined more guidance though I’m not sure from who.  I kept asking ok so what do I do and they just said follow your body and bear down when the urge to push comes on.  I was like – huh?  What the heck is bear down?  How do I do this if I’ve never done it before?  Some one give me instructions!

So I follow my body’s cues and kneel on the bed facing the back of the bed where your back normally lies.  I hold onto the bar behind the bed and have Jeremy push into my back during each contraction.  I can’t describe this pain.  It’s like nothing ever before yet somehow I’m insanely in tune with it and attentive to what my body needs.  My midwife can’t make it yet so the obgyn she practices with arrives and he does a wonderful job of letting me do my thing.  He steps back and tells me to just listen to my body.  He steps out of the room and I keep laboring.

I almost forgot!  Before I turned to kneel on the bed, I was sitting in an almost completely verticle position and having a contraction.  I felt like more should be happening but it was just my mind getting confused with all the Hollywood images of labor and what was actually happening.  I kept asking them, “Doesn’t anyone want to take a look down there?  How will you know to be ready to catch the baby?”  So to appease me, the hospital midwife sat on the foot of the bed and leaned over to take a quick peak at what was going on down below.  Like  a perfectly choreographed movie scene, my water broke all over her.  Like not a little splatter but more like a giant water balloon burst into her face.  It was hilarious and just what the occasion called for.

So right, I’m bearing down.

The bearing down and contractions are beyond intense now.  I feel as though my whole pelvis will burst with the force of the head of my daughter.  At the same time I am shocked at the power of my uterus and can’t imagine how any infant can survive the pressure of a contraction.  If my head were being squeezed with such intensity, surely I’d be dead.  I tell them how it feels as though she is right there and sure enough she’s crowning.  They make me turn around to push her out; they tell me she will arrive in this next push.  I look in the mirror I’ve requested and can’t quite compute what they’re telling me.  All I see is a grayish white thing peeking out a long peep hole – it doesn’t register.  So the contraction arrives and I bear down like my life depends on it and then a bit more and she bursts into the world.  Her head and very, very shortly afterwards the rest of her.

Then it’s like any other day.  I have a baby on my chest and I feel fine, like myself and in the moment and awed.  I keep saying out loud, “Oh my God!  I just had a baby come out of my vagina!”  The two key phrases for the day were “I have to shit my brains out” and “I just had a baby come out of my vagina” I said those two things more times than I can remember.  It’s such an amazing experience to deliver vaginally and without drugs.  I don’t knock anyone who has a c-section (duh I had one) or who takes pain meds (duh I took them with Dessa) but if you can, I strongly, strongly encourage women to give natural childbirth a try.  I am amazed by my body.

Going into the class I expected to talk about the physical details of what happens in labor and then some techniques to manage pain.  Nothing out of this world and just some reinforcement for what we already knew.  Kelly took things a step further beyond my expectations by teaching us the importance of having an actual game plan for labor.  And I’m not talking about pack your bag, have friends on speed dial, map out directions to the hospital type plans.  But a specific, actionable plan for getting from contraction to contraction.

With my labor with Dessa, my plan was very high level and completely overlooked being prepared for labor itself.  I had so many details worked out but none that related to getting me through the contractions.  Sure I had a mental list of pain management techniques but not the right perspective to put it all together.  Kelly used Penny Simkin’s Road Map of Labor to illustrate how a game plan can be beneficial.  The map emphasizes building the three Rs – relaxation, rhythm and ritual – into your labor.

When Kelly mentioned the three Rs and showed us the map, something in me just clicked.  Labor is a natural process our bodies are built to endure.  To be able to endure it, you shouldn’t bring life to a halt and just wait around for contractions (what I did in my first labor).  You should create a kind of dance that relaxes you, builds a rhythm from one contraction to the next and establishes rituals to center you.  With Dessa, once contractions got really uncomfortable I lied in bed to rest and waited for each contraction.

With the information Kelly shared with us, I understand how valuable it is to have activities to do while in labor.  I intend to stay home as long as possible so I’m putting together a list of things I want to do while I’m at home – bake, craft, clean.  It may sound silly but if you think about it, it makes sense for labor to fit into the practices of everyday life.  One of the things I want to do is bake goodies for the hospital staff that will be caring for us while we’re in the hospital.  The HypnoBabies course mentioned this actually and I love how thoughtful and full of purpose this activity is.

In addition to activities, Jeremy also learned how important his role is in helping to establish the three Rs.  He’ll be hanging out with Dessa and I as we bake and craft, and much to his dismay clean.  But he will also be an important part of helping me to relax, develop rhythm and create ritual.  For me, I think the relaxation portion of things comes into play with the activities.  The more occupied the more relaxed I think I’ll feel.  I also think having Jeremy and Dessa with me in our home is going to have a great and calming affect on me.

The activities will also be an integral part of creating a rhythm from one contraction to the next.  Having something to go back to after each contraction is going to be a great way to weave my labor into the day (and/or night).  The ritual portion speaks volumes to me because I am a ritualistic person – they soothe me and center me.  Kelly suggested we use physical ways of establishing ritual.  One exercise she showed us is to have Jeremy give me a massage after or during each contraction.  She emphasized that the amount of pressure doesn’t matter as much as making sure to just do it (good news for Jeremy since he detests giving massages).  A specific technique she had us practice, involves simply working his way from my head down placing his hand and steady pressure on parts of my body (head, shoulders, face, arms, etc.) and me simultaneously focusing my breathing.

This class made me realize that sometimes you need an expert to weigh in to bring it all together.  For all the reading and self-education we’ve done, we never would have thought to bring it all together in this way.  What’s more we gained something I think we didn’t realize was so important going into labor – we’re both a lot more confident.  I say both and I know I speak for Jeremy because after our last class he said he was actually really excited about the birth.  I don’t think he could have said the same thing last time.  Last time we were excited about the end result but not the process.  Now we’re excited to experience all of it from beginning to …well beginning =)

I am now officially in the home stretch.  I don’t know how everyone else defines the home stretch but for me it starts when I have to start going to my midwife every two weeks.  All of a sudden there’s no way I can lose sight of how close my “due” date is and it’s consuming just about every thought.  I had an appointment on Tuesday and next week I will be scheduling our hospital visit along with our natural childbirth class at our local maternity store.  After thinking about, avoiding and then obsessing over my birth plan, I’ve written it down, signed it and have it ready to go.

My preferences don’t differ that much from last time.  The main difference is that I am not as laid back about the possibility of using pain medication.  With my first birth plan, I stated that I wanted to try and have a natural birth but would not rule out the use of an epidural.  I also did not make certain that the important players (aside from my husband and doctor) had read it.  So the language is more definite and DH will be making sure before we interact with anyone that they’re clear on our plan.  With Dessa, I read this book which was very, very helpful – almost a birth education class and a guide to creating a birth plan all in one.  This time around I read Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein’s book and it was an appropriate refresher – not as detailed as the first book but just enough.

As I was writing this birth plan, I realized I wasn’t as into it as I was the first time around.  I think what’s happened is that I’m not empowering my birth plan like I did last time.  I’m empowering myself.  With my first pregnancy, I believed my birth plan was my cheerleader, my bodyguard, my advocate.  I truly believed everyone read it.  I trusted it too much.  I somehow convinced myself it had some kind of power.  This time around I realize it’s just a piece of paper.  My husband and my midwife and I are on the same page.  We will work as a team to make my labor what I want it to be.  My heart isn’t in the birth plan like it was the last time.  My head is writing it.

So without further ado (insert drumroll):

The following items are my preferences for my labor.  Should any complications arise which threaten the health of me or my baby, then at that time I am open to discussing the options available to me to make an informed decision.

Goal: Labor naturally and birth my baby vaginally without medical interventions.

Pain Management: I plan to use a combination of self-hypnosis (Hypnobabies), deep breathing, accupressure and a variety of laboring positions.  I do not wish to have an epidural.  Please do not offer one to me. If I make the decision to opt for anesthetic pain management, I will request it.

Labor Support: I would like my husband to stay with me at all times.  No interns/apprentices, or others in training, should enter the birth room without explicit permission.  We reserve the right to ask anyone out of the room at any time.

Labor Room: If available I’d like a room with access to a shower and/or whirlpool to assist in managing labor discomfort.  I would like the lights dimmed and request anyone who needs to speak to me to use a soft voice.  If I am in the middle of a birthing wave, please be patient while I manage my discomfort.  When the birthing wave is over, then I will be able to address your questions.

IVs: I understand because I am working towards a vaginal birth after a c-section an IV line must be inserted.  I’d like to request a Hep-Lock.  I’d like to only use an IV if a medical emergency requires it (dehydration or administration of medicine).  I will bring my own fluids and nourishment.

EFM: I am aware of the hospital policy for VBAC patients which requires EFM.  I wish to move about as much as possible despite the need for an EFM.

I freaked out a bit the other day because I received my lovely Baby Center email which kindly reminded me that I am officially 29 weeks pregnant (30 tomorrow).  Translation – I could go at any time.  I know I’m just overreacting a bit but time has flown and it all seems to have crept up on me.

I am still doing the Hypnobabies self-study which I am really enjoying; it’s been really calming and put me in a great state of mind – relaxed and very positive.   I’ll update soon on the classes we’ve taken so far.  Right now, though, I’m focusing on completing my birth plan.  I pulled out the binder I created for my first labor and reviewed the birth plan which states pretty much the same preferences I have for this labor.  In reviewing it, I realize my birth plan was very clear cut and expressed my wishes  clearly.  The two big differences, though, will not be in my birth plan but in how I and my husband advocate for my labor preferences and how long we stay home.

I had a visit with my midwife today and we had a great discussion about my birth plan.  I was reassured by our chat that I made the right decision in choosing her to attend my birth.  I feel supported and understood.  She encourages my desire to stay home as long as possible and reassured me she would advocate for me and my wish to have a natural, unmedicated birth.  With a solid discussion about birth plan done, I’m going to focus tonight and tomorrow on writing it up.

Aside from my birth plan, I’m also creating a list of things I want around me and things I want to do during labor to encourage a natural birth.  Having not ever actually had a vaginal birth, I can guess some of the things that might be helpful but guessing won’t do me much good.  Instead, I reached out to moms on Twitter who have had successful natural, unmedicated births.  I asked them to share their best tips for having a vaginal birth sans meds.  These ladies offered up a wealth of information and I’m super grateful that they were willing to share their wisdom with me.  So in case you were looking for some natural birth tips here are some from the ladies who have been there, done that:

• @BellaNicki Best chance for a natural unmedicated birth in my mind is *stay home!* That’s what worked for me.
• @KatjaPresnal And things that helped: rocking chair and bath tub. After our 1st baby I said I wouldn’t have another baby without a rocking chair (they had one at the hospital).
• @bellanikelly for me, i just don’t think about medications as an option
• @Blacktating Slow, deep cleansing breaths, “ride the wave” of each contraction, affirmations “no contraction is stronger than me!” If you believe you can do it, you can. It’s all about attitude. Stay home as long as possible, too.
• @annemartens Not yet but planning one for early June. Reading Ina May. Ignoring naysayers. http://bit.ly/xc0eJ and http://bit.ly/ZWoDP
• @phdinparenting I had a natural, unmedicated birth & posted tips/thoughts [on my blog]
  
• @HomeschoolCoach I had two natural births! 1st had doula & 2nd had midwife. Learn about positions, counter pressure, squeezing hips together. Also loved the spa tub & the shower.
• @staceyreck was kind enough to email me her thoughts-
• -Take the time EVERYDAY to visualize your desired outcome: An easy, painless delivery -see how easy it is and feel how happy you are after. There are lots of places on the web to learn visualization. It need not be elaborate or difficult. Close your eyes and take a few relaxing breaths – see yourself going into labor and FEEL how relaxed you are and remain- then see the actual delivery, the baby is easily delivered through the birth canal with minimal effort- the last step is always seeing the reward- see how happy you are after the birth holding your bundle of joy.
  - Learn to use breath to relax -again look for reliable web sites that can teach this technique-practice 2 times a day. Much of the pain women feel during labor is due to fear and tension. Learning to relax is the key to an easy delivery.
  -Bring an ipod with good relaxing music-make sure it is music you like, that YOU consider relaxing. It’s a good idea to use the music before hand during the above exercises.

Thank you again ladies for sharing these wonderful tips.  I am feeling much more empowered and well armed for this birth than the first.  I’m taking each of your recommendations to heart and will most likely integrate almost all of them into my time at home.  Stay tuned, I’m finishing up my birth plan and my personal list of preferences; I’ll post them later this week.

We coughed up a pretty penny for this self-study course – $160 total after shipping ( I expedited it because I couldn’t wait…the base price is $139).  However, it’s nothing compared to the price of the course which is upwards of $300.  I realize now, after having a VBAC, price shouldn’t be a factor in how you prepare for the arrival of your baby.  If you’re willing to get a stroller worth hundreds then reassess why you won’t spend just as much on the right birthing preparation for yourself and your partner?  We opted for the self-study course after hearing several reviews about the local instructor which weren’t so great (not bad but folks didn’t seem impressed and me? well I want you to rock my world =) ).  [For folks on a budget, you can also inquire with the HypnoBabies site about purchasing a second hand copy of the self-study course or do a craigslist/ebay search, however, there's no guarantee with the latter two]

The kit is pretty straight forward -some HypnoBabies paraphenilia, some pamphlets on your birth rights, the midwife standard of care, etc., a letter from the company, a form to complete, a disclaimer, some other loose pages of info or resources, a folder with the six CDs, the main course book and the workbook which also contains a section specifically for your birth partner.  Those last three items are the ones you’ll work with throughout the course.  The course is broken up into 5 classes which they advise you take at the pace of one per week assuming you are at or past your 26th week.  If you are before your 26th week, then they suggest you can take it two weeks at a time.

We’re officially starting next week on Monday which is why I’m glad I started reading the intro to the course book before Monday.  You need to read the entire Introduction and Class #1 reading materials before you begin using any of the CDs.  For some reason I thought it would be more interactive – like I’d read one or two pages, then be prompted to listen for a bit, then back to the book.  Nope.  Book first, then CDs.  Just a note: it took me a lot longer to read the intro than it did to get through the readings in Class #1.  The material is easy to read and simple to comprehend.

Each section starts off with a quick overview of what you will be learning and a schedule for how to listen to the affirmations/CDs.  A warning – the book is covered in warnings about not listening to your affirmations in a moving vehicle.  Makes sense but wanted to mention it is literally everwhere!

Back to the course itself, Class #1 discusses how hypnosis works and your personal role in your hypnosis, the use of positive language, the power of positive thinking to impact not just your birthing time but your entire life and the importance of having a relaxed body during birthing.  There is also a brief script for your birth partner to read to you; a nice touch to get my husband involved beyond just reading along and listening with me.  Finally, the class ends with a great book list of positive birth books.

I enjoyed the material because it spoke to my own beliefs.  Your outlook on life makes all the difference in how you experience it.   Like I always say, the energy you put out to the world always comes back to you tenfold.  It  emphasizes the power of your mind to dictate how you feel and you behave.  So far I like the program.  Jeremy will read the intro and Class #1 by Monday so we can start the affirmations.  I’ll let you know my thoughts on the affirmations as we listen to them.

Note: If you are considering using the HypnoBabies program, a simple Google search of HypnoBabies Self Study will give you tons of results with great forum discussions from real moms who are thinking about, are taking or have taken the course.  It’s a great way to connect with other HypnoBabyt moms.  Here’s a quick list of ones that I found helpful in some way.  Good luck to you!

• Mothering Magazine Community Forum: Hypnobirthing vs. Hypnobabies
• Hypnobabies Blog (includes info on free intro CDs)
• Cynthia’s Hypnobabies Births Blog (great links)
  

Like I mentioned before, I have no issues with the way Dessa entered this world; I am just grateful she was born healthy and that I lived to see her ( I had a tiny bit of paranoia that I would be one of the few women who dies in labor…the paranoia still lingers now w/#2 but just a whisper).  I mention this because I have read about a lot of women who feel very angry or depressed or wronged or disappointed that they didn’t have a baby stretch out their vagina to kingdom come.  I am not one of these women; my heart goes out to them and I hope they can come to terms with their specific situation and find peace with it.  My family made informed choices under the circumstances and I’m cool with the way things worked out.

Despite the fact that I’m okey dokey with having had a c-section, I do seriously want to try to have our next little girl vaginally.  In order to do that, I’ve gone over Dessa’s birth story several times in my head to see if I can pin point when things started to look more c-section-y than vagina-y.  I can confidently say the main factors in having my c-section are: 1) the fact that I went to the hospital too early and 2) I had the epidural.  I’m no doctor so someone else might say I’m full of it but I know my body.  I was fine at home – calm, focused, centered, empowered.  At the hospital, I felt like my head was spinning and the last thing I could think about was giving birth.  As for the epidural, I had way too much.  I kid you not, you could have sawed off my legs and I wouldn’t have felt diddly squat.  My lovely ob-gyn kept cheering me on, saying I was doing a great job pushing but in reality, I couldn’t feel a thing.

With those things in mind, my game plan for baby number 2 is to labor at home as long as possible and attempt to stretch out my vagina to deliver a baby sans medication.  We’ve also moved from a traditional ob-gyn to a midwife.  Unlike last time, I’m not going to just read a couple of books and call it a day.  We’ve just ordered the HypnoBabies self-study kit and will attend a birth class specific to natural child birth.  I don’t know why I didn’t do anything more proactive the first time round.  I truly believed I could educate myself and get it done.  This time though, I’m giving it a real go.  I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews about HypnoBabies and at the very least it will give me a concrete method to use to center myself.

I have to admit I have a bit more fear this time around.  Not about pain or the process, I mean once she wants to come out there’s no stopping her, right?  But I’m a bit nervous on two fronts.  First, I’m a big believer in signs and my life in the past year has not given me many hopeful signs for a successful birth.  First, our cousins delivered their baby boy stillborn at 8 months.  Then I had a miscarriage when I was about 5 weeks pregnant.  The most recently a co-worker of mine, like she sits right next to me and we chum around all day, miscarried at about 14 weeks.  I believe the universe speaks to you through signs and I don’t know if these occurences are signs but I can’t help but think of them this way.  I worry that my fear will get the better of me and I’ll jump to make choices that contradict my hopes for a VBAC.

My other source of fear is how Dessa will deal with labor.  I want to stay home as long as possible and that means I’ll need Jeremy to be with me to help me through it all.  But it also means we’ll need someone to care for Dessa.  I don’t know who I feel comfortable enough with to let them enter my home at such a private time.  And sure as heck, Dessa is not going anywhere while I’m in labor.  I have this vision that she will be my strength through it all…enough of that, the pregnant lady is choking up over here.

Now I know what I shouldn’t do to avoid another c-section, hopefully the baby girl in my belly does too!  Sometimes I forget I’m not the only one involved in this little adventure =)

If you’ve had any experience with HypnoBabies, I’d love to hear about it.

Next up: A peek at HypnoBabies and plans for Dessa on the big day

Part 1: Dessa’s Birth Story

I think the best place to start is with my pregnancy with Dessa and her birth story.  My pregnancy was a smooth ride; aside from the massive belly and boobs, some itching here and there and giant puffed hands and feet, I had no complaints.  I felt great.  I ate well and exercised until the end.  Well specifically I didn’t do anything but sleep my first trimester then worked out a lot in my second and just did lots of walking in my last trimester.

I read a ton of books on labor and delivery; I focused on trying to have a non-medicated birth.  I truly believed I could deliver naturally.  I educated myself on exactly what happens to your body in labor and, the nerd that I am, created my own binder with labor and delivery info.

I was due on Wednesday June 28; I worked until the Thursday immediately before with no signs of labor.  I didn’t have any Braxton Hicks and barely dilated or effaced before going into labor.  Never had any real bloody show either.

The Friday before my due date noticed the baby wasn’t moving as much.  I called my obgyn and she said to go into the hospital to get monitored.  They hooked me up to the machine and sure enough all was fine and unbeknownst to me I was having contractions!  I left the hospital and all was well.

Monday I bummed around and midday I started to get cramping I hadn’t experienced before.  It took me forever but I realized these were contractions.  Nothing to write home about because they were still fairly far apart.  My husband and I went about our day and even made a trip to Target.

Once the evening hit the contractions hadn’t yet increased in intensity but they were starting to have a pattern to them.  I didn’t feel uncomfortable and was able to go about my business.  Later into the night, I’d say between ten and eleven, I started to get uncomfortable and the contractions were much closer together.  I pulled out the medicine ball and started bouncing away.  Jeremy started to put into practice the massage techniques we’d used to manage the pain – tennis balls, lower back pressure, massaging pressure points, etc.

Around midnight we decided we needed to rest up because I was obviously in labor.  I called my doc and asked her when she thought I should go to the hospital.  The contractions were pretty close but still bearable.  She stayed on the phone with me and we chatted for abit.  She told me that because I could hold a conversation during the contractions, I was probably still ok to stay home.

We went to bed and Jeremy was able to sleep a bit.  I actually was able to close my eyes here and there but I spent a lot of time back and forth between the bed and medicine ball.  At some time in the middle of the night I had the urge to pee and got up from bed.  As I was making my way towards the bathroom, I felt this very sudden squeezing pop and my water broke.  This is where things started moving in super speed.

The car ride there is a blur but I remember having to fill out some paperwork and talk to way too many people.  The contractions were beyond strong at this point and I could no longer focus on managing the pain with all the hustle and bustle going on around me.  They examined me and I was already 4 centimeters dialated.  When the nurses asked if I wanted the epidural I gave in and said yes.

Once the epidural hit I was on cloud nine.  I hated getting it because it hurt like hell but afterwards you could have sawed off my leg and I wouldn’t have felt a thing.  The epidural slowed things down and they gave me pitocin to get things going again.  The pitocin caused me to dialate more but also caused the baby’s heartrate to drop on several occasions.

The first stage of labor went by smoothly.  I even think I slept in between contractions because I couldn’t feel anything.  When I finally got to 10 centimeters, it was time to push.  My obgyn was fantastic and did perineal massage the entire time I was pushing.  I pushed for a little over two hours.  We could all see her head but she just wasn’t progressing past the bone.

It’s not all crystal clear at this point but after some discussion about the health of the baby who’s heart beat kept dropping and then going back to normal, we decided on a c-section.  A giant team of folks came in and I was given more drugs.  I started freaking out a bit and just wanted to go back to the quiet phase of just me, my hubby, the  obgyn and the nurse.

The c-section went by super fast and our daughter arrived without complications.  Mom and baby were happy and healthy!

Reflecting back I think the reason things turned out the way they did is because I got the epidural.  Once I got it I had zero feeling and couldn’t even feel myself having contractions or really pushing.  I have no regrets and am just grateful we both made it alive and well.

Tune in next week when I’ll talk about the choices I’m making now to work towrads a successful VBAC.  If any readers have had a VBAC, I’d love to hear about your experience.  And if you have any resources to share I’d love to learn about them!