MamaHeartsBaby header image

That Loving Feeling

May 3rd, 2009 · Parenthood

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

I’m due with our second daughter any day now, or as my cousin put it T minus 11 days (or really 10 days at this hour!).  And in this last stretch, I have become rather consumed with this new baby.  A big thing since I have many times throughout this pregnancy forgotten I was pregnant and felt rather neglectful of lovely daughter #2, compared to my obsession with Dessa when she was in the womb.  I’m sure a lot of it has to do with how physically conscious I am right now of my pregnancy.  I’m exhausted beyond belief, I’ve been falling asleep like a mad woman when I put Dessa down to bed, I’m in a terrible state of waddling and I can’t walk to save my life because everything aches or I feel like I might be going into labor.  Despite these not sounding like such great things, I’m grateful for them because my thoughts have been directed inward a lot more.

Take this evening when I was putting Dessa to bed.  Our routine is pretty basic and starts with dinner – eat, vacuum, bathe, lotion, 3 books and then finally some mama milk to get to sleep.  Tonight I coaxed Dessa into letting me untangle her tresses by letting her comb my hair.  It was by far one of the sweetest moments I’ve had with her – mind you we have moments I label “the sweetest” about every other second but that doesn’t matter.  She snuggled up close to me, cheek on my cheek and swayed with me as we combed each other’s hair.  My heart melted.

I recognized in that second that never before had I felt that way – simple, love, giggly, mushy, tender, alive – more than those things really and all at once.  Motherhood has done that many times, made me feel a new emotion I can’t quite put my finger on.  It’s usually a unique combination of things and it overwhelms; I try to hold each emotion tight and pray I’ll experience it again.  But also in that moment I realized how this new daughter of mine is already so different from her big sister.  I believe a great deal in the connection that exists between pregnant moms and their babes in utero.  Babies make their homes inside their mothers and they are always connected, not just literally but emotionally.

So when I had this moment with Dessa I became aware of our newest family member is currently living in a very different house than Dessa did when she was in my belly.  I’m a completely different person now than I was in my first pregnancy.  Physically my body has changed and emotionally I have opened up new parts of myself I didn’t know existed.  I love more, differently and in ways I could never have imagined.  When our little girl arrives, she’ll have some intuitive memory (or so I’m convinced) of the emotions we shared while she was in utero.  And so many of those emotions are new to me.  Dessa experienced mami BC – before children.  Sure I was emotional and all but in a way that does not compare to how your emotions grow once you’ve become a parent.

I don’t think it means anything incredible or earth shattering but it just astounds me that already these two girls are looking at the world with unique perspectives.  I can’t wait to meet this little girl.  I can’t wait for Dessa to meet her.  I can’t wait to witness them together.  So much waiting, so much anticipation.  So little sleep, though, as it’s 2am and I’m sitting up in bed with the glow of my laptop shining while Jeremy and Dessa snooze.  I think it’s time to go to bed and get one day closer to her arrival.  ‘Night =)

→ 1 CommentTags:

Musings on a Late Night Trip to Target

April 30th, 2009 · Random Musings

A couple of nights ago I went for a late run to Target.  And by late I mean I left the house at 9pm which in some less suburban areas is considered early evening but around these New England parts it’s damn late.  I had some random thoughts on my little solo jaunt into the night.

  • I freaked a bit when I had a braxton hicks contraction and remembered that the day I was in labor with Dessa I had the same urge to go to Target.  I got mildly worried I was going through some kind of subconscious act of laboring in Target and wondered if I’d be able to drive myself home if I really did start contracting.  I needn’t have worried, I’m still not in labor.
  • I realized I am way, super far detached from menstrual trends. I’ve been an Always kind of girl and a Tampax chick but even my trusted brands don’t look familiar to me anymore. I bought some Always Infinity type thing which I’m not even quite sure if it’s a pantyliner or an actual pad pad.  So confusing.  I admit to buying a package of depends as well.
  • I discovered half way through my shopping that I could walk really comfortably if I hunched over the shopping cart handle; it felt like I was relaxing on my exercise ball.  I can only imagine what folks must have thought seeing this whale of a lady hunchbacking it throughout the store.
  • I’m so pregnant at this point I can’t even enjoy an evening of shopping by myself.  Not complaining but I was hoping to feel a bit more exhilirated at going to Target solo for a bit.  Unfortunately, aching joints, sleepiness and fatigue all beat out any kind of shopping excitement.
  • I realized that since becoming a mom, I don’t go out at night as often.  With Dessa’s bedtime early in the evening, usually sometime around 7pm, we plan most regular nights to have time to unwind at home before diving into the bedtime routine.  So as I left our home at 9pm, I noticed something I’d call grown up awareness I’d never known before.  Gone is the carefree city girl who would galavant around town into the wee hours of the morning, here it seems is the adult version of that city girl who is cautious and weary of leaving the house too late.  It was weird to recognize this kind of loss of freedom and independence.  Granted it probably also has something to do with parenthood and how much more aware it makes you of the frailty of life but nonetheless I miss the old city girl sometimes.

Who’d have thought a trip to Target could be so enlightening?

→ 1 CommentTags:

Sunday Surfing

April 19th, 2009 · Random Musings

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve come across some awesome links – trips down memory lane, fun crafty goods I’m itching for and just good reads.  I’m always looking for good links on Sunday, so just in case you’re like me and looking for some fun web surfing on a lazy Sunday here are a few good links.

-I love when I forget about a childhood favorite and then a blog so kindly reminds me of it.  I’m on the hunt now for one of these.

-I’m totally flipping out over this adorable doll.  If only I could sew.

-I’m not about big extravagent gifts for Mother’s Day (any holiday really) but I adore thoughtful gifts with lots of meaning.  This would be perfect but I refuse to jinx anything by putting baby #2’s name on anything before she actually arrives.

-I’m not sure how or when but I have a mild obsession with tape, yes tape.

-A wonderful look at marriage – honest and heartfelt.

Happy Lazy Sunday =)

→ No CommentsTags:

I Want A Baby To Come Out Of My Vagina: Childbirth Class

April 19th, 2009 · VBAC Series

Two weeks ago Jeremy and I had the pleasure of having childbirth class in the comfort of our own home thanks to the kind and wonderful Kelly.  I have to admit I wasn’t sure what to expect going in especially since we’ve been doing the HypnoBabies self study course.  However, and I mean this, it was mind blowing.  It was one of those instances of being told something simple and completely uncomplicated that was just staring us in the face but that we hadn’t ever realized.

Going into the class I expected to talk about the physical details of what happens in labor and then some techniques to manage pain.  Nothing out of this world and just some reinforcement for what we already knew.  Kelly took things a step further beyond my expectations by teaching us the importance of having an actual game plan for labor.  And I’m not talking about pack your bag, have friends on speed dial, map out directions to the hospital type plans.  But a specific, actionable plan for getting from contraction to contraction.

With my labor with Dessa, my plan was very high level and completely overlooked being prepared for labor itself.  I had so many details worked out but none that related to getting me through the contractions.  Sure I had a mental list of pain management techniques but not the right perspective to put it all together.  Kelly used Penny Simkin’s Road Map of Labor to illustrate how a game plan can be beneficial.  The map emphasizes building the three Rs – relaxation, rhythm and ritual – into your labor.

When Kelly mentioned the three Rs and showed us the map, something in me just clicked.  Labor is a natural process our bodies are built to endure.  To be able to endure it, you shouldn’t bring life to a halt and just wait around for contractions (what I did in my first labor).  You should create a kind of dance that relaxes you, builds a rhythm from one contraction to the next and establishes rituals to center you.  With Dessa, once contractions got really uncomfortable I lied in bed to rest and waited for each contraction.

With the information Kelly shared with us, I understand how valuable it is to have activities to do while in labor.  I intend to stay home as long as possible so I’m putting together a list of things I want to do while I’m at home – bake, craft, clean.  It may sound silly but if you think about it, it makes sense for labor to fit into the practices of everyday life.  One of the things I want to do is bake goodies for the hospital staff that will be caring for us while we’re in the hospital.  The HypnoBabies course mentioned this actually and I love how thoughtful and full of purpose this activity is.

In addition to activities, Jeremy also learned how important his role is in helping to establish the three Rs.  He’ll be hanging out with Dessa and I as we bake and craft, and much to his dismay clean.  But he will also be an important part of helping me to relax, develop rhythm and create ritual.  For me, I think the relaxation portion of things comes into play with the activities.  The more occupied the more relaxed I think I’ll feel.  I also think having Jeremy and Dessa with me in our home is going to have a great and calming affect on me.

The activities will also be an integral part of creating a rhythm from one contraction to the next.  Having something to go back to after each contraction is going to be a great way to weave my labor into the day (and/or night).  The ritual portion speaks volumes to me because I am a ritualistic person – they soothe me and center me.  Kelly suggested we use physical ways of establishing ritual.  One exercise she showed us is to have Jeremy give me a massage after or during each contraction.  She emphasized that the amount of pressure doesn’t matter as much as making sure to just do it (good news for Jeremy since he detests giving massages).  A specific technique she had us practice, involves simply working his way from my head down placing his hand and steady pressure on parts of my body (head, shoulders, face, arms, etc.) and me simultaneously focusing my breathing.

This class made me realize that sometimes you need an expert to weigh in to bring it all together.  For all the reading and self-education we’ve done, we never would have thought to bring it all together in this way.  What’s more we gained something I think we didn’t realize was so important going into labor – we’re both a lot more confident.  I say both and I know I speak for Jeremy because after our last class he said he was actually really excited about the birth.  I don’t think he could have said the same thing last time.  Last time we were excited about the end result but not the process.  Now we’re excited to experience all of it from beginning to …well beginning =)

→ 1 CommentTags:

I2I: It’s Hip Hop Baby!

April 7th, 2009 · Interview 2 Inspire

Welcome to the Interviews to Inspire (I2I) series on MamaHeartsBaby. I, like so many social media mommies, have a vision of the personal and professional life I want for me and my family.  It includes being a WAHM and using social media to make that happen.  I’ve got a whole lot to learn so I’ll be approaching women in social media that inspire me.  I’ll be sharing my interview with them here because that’s what social media is all about – connecting people and sharing knowledge.  Hope this inspires you!

I’m so excited today to bring you a new interview with Candi Carter, creator of It’s Hip Hop Baby.  I was lucky enough to receive a copy of their DVD and CD about two months ago.  I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to the music and videos I let Dessa enjoy so I was skeptical.  But It’s Hip Hop Baby did not disappoint!  The beats are great and I even find myself bopping along to them.  Dessa has serious jam sessions whenever we put this on.  

Candi, inspired by her little boy, has created a fun and educational product which any household with little kids should have.  I don’t say that lightly but I’ve never seen Dessa get so excited about watching a video or listening to music.

Read on to learn more about this innovative mom.  Thank you, Candi, for taking time out of your busy schedule with your two little ones for sharing your thoughts.

Hip Hop is one of the most popular genres of music today.  Why do you think no one ever thought to engage kids with the music everyone’s already listening to?
I THINK PEOPLE HAVE USED FOLK, ROCK AND OTHER POPULAR GENRE’S IN THE PAST, BUT WHEN I THOUGHT OF CREATING HIP HOP BABY A FEW YEARS BACK. NO ONE WAS USING HIP HOP TO TEACH AND ENTERTAIN TODDLERS.  I SAW IT ON TELEVISION COMMERCIALS ALL THE TIME BUT NEVER IN CHILDREN’S PROGRAMMING.  NOW HIP HOP MUSIC HAS BECOME SO POPULAR IT’S BEING USED EVERYWHERE.

Your son Emerson inspired you to launch your business.  He was born with a speech disorder which makes it hard for him to learn new words.  Like many a passionate mom, you got creative and found a unique way to help him communicate using music.  Have you gotten any feedback from hospitals or children’s centers focused on working with children like your son who are seeing success with your program?
I ACTUALLY RECEIVED A FEW COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE WHO SAW THE DVD BEING USED AT HOSPITALS AND PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS WHO SAID THEIR CHILDREN SING, DANCE AND LEARN NEWS WORDS WATCHING THE DVD.  ITS VERY GRATIFYING TO HEAR THAT FEEDBACK.

As a mompreneur, you’ve really embraced social media as a marketing tool.  You’re active on Twitter, have your own YouTube channel that even offers interactive classes, run a blog and have even embraced the mommy blogger community.  What has been the most surprising part about using social media for your business? Any tips for other mompreneurs looking to use social media in their business?
WE ARE AMAZED AT HOW QUICKLY MOMS ONLINE ARE LEARNING ABOUT IT’S HIP HOP, BABY!  WE HAVE THOUSANDS OF MOMS FOLLOWING HIP HOP BABY ON TWITTER AND HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE JOINING THE MOVEMENT ON FACEBOOK, YOUTUBE AND OUR BLOG.  IT’S A BLAST AND VERY EXCITING.

Your DVDs are high energy and full of movement to get families moving together.  When it’s time to wind down, though, what are some of your favorite songs to relax to?
THERE ARE TWO SONGS ON THE CD THAT I ADORE.  I LOVE THE ABC LULLABY…IT’S NICE AND SLOW AND RELAXING.  I ALSO LOVE THE SCHOOL BUS SONG…IT HAS A COOL JAZZY HIP HOP BEAT.

It’s a big leap from being just mom singing about brushing your teeth and going potty to creating a video for kids across the country.  How long did it take to develop the videos from idea to market?  Where did you draw inspiration from?
IT’S TAKEN ME 2 1/2 YEARS TO GET THIS SERIES OFF THE GROUND.  I GAIN MY INSPIRATION FROM EMERSON.  JUST YESTERDAY I MADE UP A SONG ABOUT PEEING ON THE POTTY AND A PEANUT BUTTER SONG TO TEACH HIM THE WORD PEANUT BUTTER.

As a Latina mom raising a bilingual child, I have to ask – do you have any plans to do a bilingual version of your videos?
OUR NEXT PRODUCT LINE WILL BE GEARED TOWARD THE LATINO COMMUNITY.  WE’RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT!

Sesame Street or Mister Rogers?
SEASAME STREET

Hop on over to The Mami Diaries  for your chance to win It’s Hip Hop Baby for your own kids!

→ 4 CommentsTags:

My Diaper Bag Love Affair

March 22nd, 2009 · Design Lovelies

633701413461448859 My Diaper Bag Love Affair

This beauty you’re looking at, yes the lovely one right above with the pink and pewter details, that’s my new Amy Kathryn diaper bag.  If you know me, then you’re well aware that I have been on the hunt for the most perfect diaper bag from the second I got pregnant with Dessa.  Before she was born, I decided I’d go with a tres chich Coach number in a brown pebbled leather with pink stitching.  Well, that one lasted about a month and the love affair was over.

prd 200018 My Diaper Bag Love Affair

I never got another diaper bag after that because I was scared to commit.  Silly, I know, but I need to love (Love – with a capital l) my bag.  And nothing I came across seemed to fit the bill.  Petunia Pickle Bottom – gorgeous designs, amazing organization and the most swoon-worthy detail: the built-in, fold out changing pad.  Couldn’t commit because I didn’t like the fabric (either it would pull or I couldn’t stand to walk around with the “glazed” plastic look).  Skip Hop, it’s like everyone’s holy grail, so I thought for sure it would be mine.  But I’m not a canvas girl and I could never find a middle ground between the giant ones and the too small ones.  Fleurville was just too much of the plastic look for me to handle.pKSLCI1 5250442reg My Diaper Bag Love Affair

I was so desperate I even contemplated the diaper bags with ridiculous price tags.  Mia Bossi has some beautiful designs but they’re just too pretentious and it’s kind of like when I think I can get away with an entire J. Crew outfit when I’m really more of  a mish-mashed JCrew, Arden B, Gap and TJ Maxx kind of girl.  Kate Spade’s Noel design takes my breath away every time.  I can’t pinpoint what it is but I adore it.  The $525 price tag, though, stops me dead in my tracks.  Gucci – without shame I call myself an asshole for evening thinking about this $1100+ option.  I saw a new mom at a local cafe sporting it and my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.  I’m not a label whore but it was soooo pretty.  I got over it quick.

So I went on a search for something a little different.  I tried to stay away from the big names and came across a few which I’m still thinking about now.  I decided on the Amy Kathryn because it’s so me.  My husband saw it and said it was perfect for me.  I know lots of moms have a hard time find “the” diaper bag, so here’s a round up of some of my not so traditional finds for a diaper bag:

puddle jumper front and back teal My Diaper Bag Love Affair

-First is the Lug Puddle Jumper Gym Bag ($75). I am a serious sucker for organization and pockets and secret compartments so this one is my wet dream (pardon the expression). The shoe pocket seems ideal for diaper essentials. Only downside for me is I’d like to be hands free at this stage (toddler and newborn on the way) so I might keep this one in mind for further down the road.

tuktuk chc sml My Diaper Bag Love Affair

-Another Lug beauty the Tuk Tuk Carry All. You can’t tell from this picture but it also has a secret compartment ala the Puddle Jumper in the back. It just seems ridiculously functional and $95 I really haven’t seen anything that compares.

7876 3908 My Diaper Bag Love Affair

-Le Sport Sac’s Allie ($108) was almost the one. I love the fabric and I’ve only heard great things about how wonderfully these bags hold up over the years. In the end, though, I had to go with something a little bit more stylish.

My Diaper Bag Love Affair

-Vera Bradley is my secret crush. This is her messenger bag (normally $84 but this retiring color is $45) which looks like a great every day size. Not big enough for both newborn and toddler essentials which is why I didn’t get it but still dear to my heart. Jeremy despises these bags. He says I can buy one when I’m a grandma =(

go tote blue green new 270 My Diaper Bag Love Affair

-The Loom Go Tote Classic ($95). Love the color combo & how spacious it is. I haven’t seen it in person so I can’t tell how I really feel about it. The many pockets and sturdy bottom appeal to me.

300 AMANDA CHOC FUSCHIA FLO My Diaper Bag Love Affair

-Babymel’s Amanda ($88) reminds me of the StorkSak bags but with better patterns.  I’ve never seen one in person but love the way it looks!  It’s a UK based company but available online through Let’s Go Strolling.

Hope these were helpful.  I’m learning, though, that I can’t just count on one bag.  Not just because style-wise I’ll get bored and need to switch things up but as my kiddies grow I’ll be adjusting the kinds of things I carry with me.  Since most of these bags are reasonably priced I wouldn’t be surprised if a couple of them end up in my closet.  Feel free to share your best diaper bag recommendation.  The hunt is never over! [Read more →]

→ 2 CommentsTags:

I Want A Baby To Come Out Of My Vagina: The Birth Plan Part 2

March 21st, 2009 · Interview 2 Inspire, Latina, Monday Momisms, Parenthood, Taking Twitter To The Next Level, VBAC Series

475120 newborn baby 177 I Want A Baby To Come Out Of My Vagina: The Birth Plan Part 2

I am now officially in the home stretch.  I don’t know how everyone else defines the home stretch but for me it starts when I have to start going to my midwife every two weeks.  All of a sudden there’s no way I can lose sight of how close my “due” date is and it’s consuming just about every thought.  I had an appointment on Tuesday and next week I will be scheduling our hospital visit along with our natural childbirth class at our local maternity store.  After thinking about, avoiding and then obsessing over my birth plan, I’ve written it down, signed it and have it ready to go.

My preferences don’t differ that much from last time.  The main difference is that I am not as laid back about the possibility of using pain medication.  With my first birth plan, I stated that I wanted to try and have a natural birth but would not rule out the use of an epidural.  I also did not make certain that the important players (aside from my husband and doctor) had read it.  So the language is more definite and DH will be making sure before we interact with anyone that they’re clear on our plan.  With Dessa, I read this book which was very, very helpful – almost a birth education class and a guide to creating a birth plan all in one.  This time around I read Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein’s book and it was an appropriate refresher – not as detailed as the first book but just enough.

As I was writing this birth plan, I realized I wasn’t as into it as I was the first time around.  I think what’s happened is that I’m not empowering my birth plan like I did last time.  I’m empowering myself.  With my first pregnancy, I believed my birth plan was my cheerleader, my bodyguard, my advocate.  I truly believed everyone read it.  I trusted it too much.  I somehow convinced myself it had some kind of power.  This time around I realize it’s just a piece of paper.  My husband and my midwife and I are on the same page.  We will work as a team to make my labor what I want it to be.  My heart isn’t in the birth plan like it was the last time.  My head is writing it.

So without further ado (insert drumroll):

The following items are my preferences for my labor.  Should any complications arise which threaten the health of me or my baby, then at that time I am open to discussing the options available to me to make an informed decision.

Goal: Labor naturally and birth my baby vaginally without medical interventions.

Pain Management: I plan to use a combination of self-hypnosis (Hypnobabies), deep breathing, accupressure and a variety of laboring positions.  I do not wish to have an epidural.  Please do not offer one to me. If I make the decision to opt for anesthetic pain management, I will request it.

Labor Support: I would like my husband to stay with me at all times.  No interns/apprentices, or others in training, should enter the birth room without explicit permission.  We reserve the right to ask anyone out of the room at any time.

Labor Room: If available I’d like a room with access to a shower and/or whirlpool to assist in managing labor discomfort.  I would like the lights dimmed and request anyone who needs to speak to me to use a soft voice.  If I am in the middle of a birthing wave, please be patient while I manage my discomfort.  When the birthing wave is over, then I will be able to address your questions.

IVs: I understand because I am working towards a vaginal birth after a c-section an IV line must be inserted.  I’d like to request a Hep-Lock.  I’d like to only use an IV if a medical emergency requires it (dehydration or administration of medicine).  I will bring my own fluids and nourishment.

EFM: I am aware of the hospital policy for VBAC patients which requires EFM.  I wish to move about as much as possible despite the need for an EFM.

Breastfeeding: I will exclusively breastfeed my baby.  Please do not offer any formula or pacifiers to my baby.
———————————————————–
THINGS I WISH TO INCLUDE DURING MY LABOR
My own clothing
Vaginal exams only as needed
Pushing naturally as my body directs
Ample time to push my baby out (if baby & mom are healthy and progress is being made, then I do not want a time limit set on my pushing)
Warm compresses or massage to the perineum as needed
Husband to cut the cord once it has stopped pulsating
Immediately place baby on my chest once born
Ample time to bond with baby (delay regular tests until we have had time to bond)

Things I’d like to AVOID During Labor

Induction
Epidural
Lying on my back
Use of stirrups
Direction on breathing or pushing
Episiotomy
Separation from baby (if necessary, then my husband will accompany the baby)
Use of forceps or vacuum extraction
___________________________________
In the event a decision about a medical procedure must be made while I am unconscious or incoherent, I grant authority for making that decision to my husband.
___________________________________
My husband and I are fully aware childbirth can present many unexpected situations.  This plan is how we envision our baby’s ideal birth as long as neither my baby’s nor my health is in jeopardy.  However, if a situation should require us to veer from this plan, we’d like the opportunity to discuss the options, along with the risks and benefits assosciated with each, available to us in order to make a fully informed decision.
———————————————————
The plan for posting my birth plan was to include a nifty PDF doc, however, my technical skills are lacking so a cut and paste you get.  It needs a bit of tweaking to get it down to one page but this is the overall idea we’re trying to get across.  Like I mentioned before, the books I read really helped guide me through the process of what to include and what to leave out.  If you’d prefer something a bit simpler, I know the Earth Mama Angel Baby website has a birth plan generator anyone can use.  I haven’t tried it but it just asks you to click those things you wish to include.
I’m relieved to have completed this but am also now furiously working on a personal plan of sorts to be prepared for labor day.  Not just about the actual labor but having our home well stocked and clean, having all the necessities for the baby and preparing Dessa for her new sibling.  With my first pregnancy, I had great plans of being prepared but didn’t really feel the urgency.  Now with one daughter and another on the way, I know how important being organized and prepared is going to be to making a smoother transition to a family of four.
Here’s the loose plan I have laid out in my mind:
-Go food shopping & stock our kitchen to the brim
-Stock fridge with premade meals
-Hardcore house cleaning
-Organize the corners of our home we’ve been meaning to organize for two years
-Solidify our plan for childcare in the event I go into labor in the middle of the night (need to write detailed childcare notes)
-Install car seats & take them to our local maternity store to confirm they’re installed properly (how cool are they for being certified?)
Considering how poorly my brain functions when I’m pregnant, I welcome any suggestions for preparing my family and my home for this second birth.  Is there anything you did before you gave birth which you found to be a tremendous help after the birth of your baby?  Let me know in the comments!

→ 2 CommentsTags:

My Everyday Treasure

March 15th, 2009 · What's New

img 5197 150x150 My Everyday Treasure

I just got home from a fun filled day of lunch and the children’s museum with old college girlfriends and their kids.  I should rephrase that because these ladies were my bestest friends in college; the kind of friends whose lives I’ll always follow, even if just from a distance, and whose voices and stories I’ll never tire of hearing.  I came home and Dessa was beyond exhausted from all the fun she had.  While I was nursing her to sleep, I got so overwhelmed with how sweet a day it was I cried.

We live a lucky life where childcare isn’t a necessity.  We live in a condo without many little kids in it.  We have lots of cousins nearby but either we’re not close to them or they’re in their teens or beyond.  So Dessa spends a lot of time with adults.  She goes to swimming once a week and we have a toddler tumbling class once a week where she sees other kids her age.  However, nothing beats having her together with other kids for no reason other than so their moms can hang out.

She lit up when she saw the other kids.  She was amazed and completely entertained by them.  And the oldest, a sweet girl who I held the same day she was born 5 and a half years ago, was so gentle with Dessa and guided her everywhere.  Dessa was in heaven.  It’s something I don’t often get to witness and really that she doesn’t often get to do.

After lunch we went to the children’s museum and it was just Dessa and my friend’s son.  It is amazing how quickly and how sincerely children become attached to others.  There’s no game playing or guessing; they like you or they don’t.  They want to follow your every move or you just don’t matter.  Dessa was enthralled with my friend’s son.  She ran around calling for him whenever he was out of sight.  It was the sweetest of sweets.

After I nursed her to bed and cried a bit more, I realized how these are the quiet days before our lives change forever.  The last days of Dessa being the center of our lives, of being an only child.  I realized how precious today and the next several weeks will be.  I want to capture it and save it and never forget how amazing it has been to be her parent.  To shower her with everything we have, to take in her every breath and witness her becoming who she is.  As fate would have it, I paid a visit to Simple Mom who led me to a daily blog favorite of mine.  The post I linked to spoke to everything I’d just been feeling – needing urgently to capture a small, minute moment of a blessing so that one day I can remember it and treasure it and share it.

I’m so weepy tonight.  I realize so much is about to change and I wonder and worry that I’ll lose a part of Dessa I never got to know.  It’s a silly worry really because our lives are as they should be and that life is one where we grow our family by one this Spring.  But I can’t help but be a bit sad to lose the time I have with Dessa as I know it.  Our new little one is going to be a joy and to watch Dessa and her sister together is going to be something of a magnitude I cannot even fathom.  I seriously think my heart might burst and I might run out of joyous tears.

Today was a great little treasure of a day.  I’m going to hold it very, very tight to my heart.  One day I’ll share it with Dessa and I dare hope with the other children who were there.

→ 2 CommentsTags:

I Hate Maternity Leave

March 12th, 2009 · Parenthood

1072482 calendar I Hate Maternity Leave

I’m 31 weeks now and nearing my time to leave work.  While I should be really excited to have the entire summer off with my girls, lately I’ve been a little down and out about it.  See I’m one of those moms who LOVES maternity leave.  I’m in no rush to get back to the office or grown up interaction or routine.  I love more than anything spending time with my babies.

The reason I get to upset over my maternity leave is because it has to come to an end.  During my maternity leave with Dessa, I discovered the mother in me.  Thanks to 3 months off from work I was able to really pay attention to and learn how to respond to her needs.  I discovered a patience I didn’t know I was capable of.  I gained an amazing amount of confidence in my skills as a mom.

Going back to work when Dessa was just 3 months old was no easy task but as is my nature I sucked it up and did what had to be done.  Not a second still goes by now that I don’t wish I were home.  However, now that I’ll be home with two little ones and eventually have to leave them to return to work, I’m dreading the whole maternity leave/work situation more than anything.

I think it’s such a cruel joke to play on a new mother – here take some time off, have a little taste of how great life could be if you could focus on your family, enjoy a bit of disillusionment of what parenting is really like.  Then – WHAM – go back to work and try to figure it all out again from scratch with eight less hours in your day to focus on your family.

I have been marveling lately at how mothers do it who have more than one child and are able to work full time outside the home.  I know it’s totally feasible but I don’t know if my heart will be in it after two.  And by that I mean if my heart will be able to go through the everyday motions to get back to work knowing my two babies are home without me.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am fortunate to have a great job that allows my family the flexibility to eliminate the need for childcare.  And I am completely aware of the the hardships many are going through during these tough economic times so just bear with my whining.  At the end of the day my issue is I still think my place is with my family.  I know I’m getting ahead of myself and should probably worry about these things after I actually have a baby but it’s been weighing heavy on my mind.

If you have more than one little one at home and you work outside of the home, I’d love to know how you do it.  It’s just so tough for me to wrap my brain around it.  And heck, even if you work at home I know it must be challenging so I guess I’m asking for any kind of insight from a working mom with two or more babes in her life.

→ 1 CommentTags:

Getting To BlogHer ‘09

March 10th, 2009 · Blogging

When I became a blogger way back when, I did it not with hopes of becoming filthy, stinking rich or gaining any kind of celebrity.  I admired the discussions and community women had built simply by sharing a bit about their lives, their opinions and their dreams.  For a long time I wrote not really knowing if anyone was reading (it took forever for me to get on the stat tracking train) so I measured my “success” via the number of comments.  I’d get elated over one comment (I still do).  However, I finally felt like I’d reached some level of community on my blog when these posts generated not only great comments but fired up an interesting and friendly debate on Twitter.  It is the kind of connection I had always hoped to build on my blog.

Small moments like those really encourage me to keep on blogging.  Another source of inspiration is the vast number of blogs I learn from everyday.  I’m not just talking about random facts or geography and history facts but useful, help my family out kind of facts.  Take for instance the parenting, product review, and consumer advocacy and research blog Z Recommends which was a reference tool for me to figure out what kinds of bottles and sippy cups to get Dessa.  It may not seem like much but it made a world of difference and gave us great peace of mind that there was one location online that we could go to to figure this stuff out.

Thanks to Z Recommends and the parents’ giveaway and sweepstakes hub PRIZEY, I may get a chance to take my blogging to the next level and go to this year’s BlogHer conference in Chicago IL.  They are offering one lucky reader a free pass to the weekend event.  Having been at this blogging business for over a year, I really believe it’s time I stepped up my game and went to a conference where I can meet and mingle with the folks I admire from my little computer screen.  I’m not only excited to meet other bloggers but also learn so that I can continue to grow my little piece of the blogosphere and generate more great conversations.  I think it would be an amazing experience and give me a wonder opportunity to really fuel myself to make the most of Mama Hearts Baby.  If you’d like to learn more on how to enter to win a ticket to BlogHer ‘09, visit this post for all the details.

I’ve admired the blogging conferences from a variety of different blogs I read.  While I admit some seem a bit overwhelming, BlogHer has always been at the top of my list.  Between their great sessions and their flexible learning opportunities throughout the event, there’s a lot of value to gain from attending.  Not to mention that it seems to have a varied audience in terms of not just focusing on a specific type of blogger (mommy bloggers, personal finance bloggers, social media bloggers, etc.); it reaches out to everyone and has speakers that cover just about everything.  I thought about going last year but as a first time mom, I felt overwhelmed and I threw the idea into my list of wishful thinking for another life.  This year, however, there’s no holding back; there’s no time like the present.  I’m going to try my darndest to get myself to BlogHer ‘09.  I’ve applied for sponsorship from one company  and this contest is my second attempt at getting to Chicago this summer.  So cross your fingers that this mama makes it to the windy city this June!

→ No CommentsTags: